Hipsters Beware!

I read in Time Magazine that Iran has banned the mullet.

I'm not going to spew some Voltaire-inspired nonsense along the lines of "I may disagree with your haircut, but I defend to the death your right to deface your skull." (Actually, Voltaire never said that. Voltaire's biographer Evelyn Beatrice Hall a.k.a. S.G. Tallentyre said it in her biography of Voltaire, The Friends of Voltaire.) No, no, I have to side with the Culture Ministry on this one.

What has Iran saved itself from?

1. George Clooney on "The Facts of Life"
2. The son from "Married with Children"
3. David Bowie in "The Man Who Fell to Earth"
4. Hulk Hogan
5. Michael Bolton
6. Chuck Norris
7. Patrick Swayze in "Ghost"
8. Billy Ray Cyrus

Mullets aren't the only coiff that has been banned. In the first crackdown on hairstyles in Iran since 1979, ponytails, spiked haircuts, and Elvis-style pompadours (better late than never, clerics) have also been put on the holy writlist.

These and other restrictions will be unveiled (hee hee) later this month at the Modesty and Veil Festival in Iran, and I am not making that last part up. They seriously have a Modesty and Veil Festival. Should be hot.

In other news, a man gets plunked in the junk with a baseball.